Tags

, , , , ,

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for the past 10 years.  In fact, most of my 30’s was spent in infertility land.  Over the years, people asked if we had or would try any medical intervention or testing to find out what was wrong.  Early on, we had decided not to go the Western medical route; thinking instead that if it was meant to be, it would happen.  I was not interested in getting hormones injected or other invasive procedures.  I had resigned myself to the reality that we might never have a bio kid.  We have two adopted children and maybe this was it for us.

My thinking stems from an overall perspective I have about handmade objects: I love the imperfections that I see in the handmade gifts my children, friends, and family make.  There is love there within those jagged, crooked edges, those misshapen clay mugs, the slightly off center cards, pictures.  There is energy living in these handmade objects that do not exist in mass market, factory produced junk that we fill our homes with.

So although I don’t criticize or judge anyone who gets IVFs, IUIs, or other medical procedures to facilitate pregnancy, I felt convicted that I wanted our pregnancy to be knit together in my womb by “hand” so to speak.  I didn’t want my pregnancy to be the result of technology or machines, I wanted it to be traditional. Homemade.

free-knitting-patterns-2

So when I found out last month that I was pregnant, I was overjoyed.  Shocked, but elated. I took several prenatal yoga classes and explained at the beginning of my first class that I was only 5 1/2 weeks along, but I had wanted to do this for 10 years!  Everyone was kind and supportive and I felt elated to finally be part of the “club.”

Unfortunately, at my last two ultrasounds, we couldn’t detect a heartbeat and the embryo had stopped developing.  You can read more about this whole experience here.

Now, I am confronted with the option of having medical intervention to facilitate a miscarriage.  Or do I wait for my body to do it naturally?  In all the years of trying to get pregnant, I never prepared myself for this reality.

Advertisements