, , , , ,

Before I tell you how I want 2015 to be the year my blog changes a little piece of the world, I have to tell you a story.

This morning I woke up after a 10 hour epic sleep and had one of those “ah-ha!” moments.  Now, this moment has been a long time coming.  I’ve spent months praying, struggling, giving in to anxiety and panic, and all the while listening for the voice of God but hearing only crickets.

Let me back up: in the past few months, I’ve gotten pregnant and had a miscarriage, moved out of state, started a new job, quit the job, applied for jobs, interviewed for jobs, not gotten jobs, driven the kids back and forth from school, gone to the emergency room, had several panic attacks, gave up date night (no babysitter and too expensive), convinced myself that all was lost and that we never should have moved, gained weight, stopped walking, and laid on the couch watching countless reruns of Modern Family.

Needless to say, I’ve been feeling sorry for myself.  But this morning, I woke up with, dare I say it, a NEW ATTITUDE!  On my walk last night, some ideas began percolating around in the old brain and manifested themselves this morning: 1) I’ve been feeling sorry for myself for too long; 2) There is beauty in the desert–you just have to look; 3) Sometimes we get what we ask (pray) for.

You see, moving from the beaches of Northern California to the desert of Southern Arizona requires a new attitude, a different perspective.  On my walks by the beach, I saw pelicans, sea lions, dophins, and, of course, the ocean.  Now on my walks in the desert (usually through my neighborhood) I believed I saw nothing.  No animals, nothing majestic like redwoods or the crashing ocean.

And during my time in Northern California, I remember thinking that I wanted to live somewhere that was a little harder, that asked a little more from me.  Let’s face it, I had it pretty good living in my little beach town.  I had a wonderful babysitter, I could walk to and from work and look at the ocean daily.  I lived by the grandfather’s house from The Lost Boys.

The Lost Boys house (and me).

The Lost Boys house (and me).

I could walk 2 blocks to the quaint downtown or a mile to the beach.  Everywhere you turned there was another natural foods store or organic clothing store.  Plus, I went on weekly date nights with my husband.  But life was too easy.  I felt like I was moving through it without really thinking about how to live it.  I remember praying about this and saying something like “I want to live in a place that asks more of me.”

I had conveniently forgotten about that little prayer until this morning when God reminded me through the squawking of the woodpecker who visits my backyard every day.  So here I am, in the desert where I’m being asked to slow down and notice how the desert has a rhythm, a life, that doesn’t just throw itself at you.  You have to get in it, and stay in it for a while.  You might be hot, you may have the driest skin you’ve ever had and have to rub oil on your hands every night, you might even have to drive your car (or ride your bike) for long distances, but if you pay attention, and slow down, you will see that there is life pulsating around you.  It may be small, like that weird lizard without a tail I always see, or it may be puffed out, like all those fluffy birds feeding in my backyard, often it is prickly, like the saguaro with its myraid arms.

Not a Saguaro, but still cute.

Not a Saguaro, but still cute.

So what change do I want my little blog to make in 2015?  I’d like us to feel comfortable slowing down and take the time to get to know ourselves and those around us.  This year, my hope for this blog is to zero in on what we often take for granted.  I’d like this to be a place where we can share ideas, be vulnerable and honest, and challenge ourselves to see the beauty in the littlest (or driest) of places.

Forgive my typos and terseness, I have been cultivating a new attitude!

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Be the Change.”